I’ve been following the Crossfit Games online all weekend.  If the live stream was better I probably wouldn’t have done anything else.  This is definitely my favorite sport as a spectator and as a participant.  I believe in Crossfit’s philosophy of preparing for the unknown of the natural world.

Having participated in the Affiliate Cup at the games in 2010 and 2009, I recall the mind f*&# of preparing for the unknown.  Everyone tries to be the ONE WHO KNOWS something about the events.  Rumors start to fly about GHDs, atlas stones or logs arriving at the arena the week before.  Coaches are calling each other with their best guesses “Well, there has to be running because of that track, but there can’t be a swim because there’s no pool.”  It always struck me as kind of funny, because with one week to go, what difference would it make if a skill came up that we hadn’t trained?  It’s not like I was going to become a good swimmer by Friday.  All the speculation threatened to get me out of my own head and my own body, which are the only two things I could actually control during my training.  

Crossfit trains you the be agile, flexible, strong, fast, coordinated, mentally tough and smart.  You should be able to learn something quickly and just go with it.  Learning a new skill the day of a competition (atlas stones at Sectionals last year, pushing the prowler at Regionals) has been really fun for me.  And I never begrudged others who were more skilled and experienced at them.  There are other random things that I do well, naturally.  Wait until juggling becomes a Crossfit event.  Juggling while doing pistols, balanced on the parrallettes.  #dreamWOD

With that being said, my heart goes out to those who were finished by the swim in the first event this year.  Swimming in the ocean can be terrifying and overwhelming, and it is downright dangerous if you’re not experienced.  I’m sure every precaution was taken to ensure the safety of the athletes, but I’m not sure I would have been brave enough to make it through that one myself.

Speaking of bravery, Crossfit continues to provide powerful metaphors for my life, which is one of the many reasons I know it’s important for me to continue playing this sport.  Preparing for the unknown in life means accepting what is unknown.  And that’s pretty much everything outside of this moment.  The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the little dog is snoring at my feet and the day is filled with beautiful unknown possibilities.  Have a great day.  3…2…1…Go.

You know how Crossfit says “Your workout is our warm-up?”  Yeah.  I almost hyperventilated during our warm-up of 400M run, 20 air squats, 400M run, 20 air squats, 400M run.  That was the most intense workout I’ve had in a year.  I lost my positive attitude in the second lap, chanting “I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK” with every step.  

We then began our first day of a 12 week strength training cycle.  I’m really happy about this, because I get to compare stats with a year ago (the last time I did any of this) and then log my improvements.

Coach had warned me to be patient and not get frustrated.  I had assured him I was ready for anything, and that I had no expectations going into these training sessions.

BUT OMG WTF THIS IS FRUSTRATING THE PISS OUTTA ME WHO THE HELL IS THIS WEAK DOUGHY BLOB BLUBBERING AROUND THE BOX?!?!??!?!?!?!??!

A year ago today my sets of weighted pull-ups would have had 45# added to my body weight.  I thought I’d go easy on myself and do body weight ones instead…

Today = ONE SUPINATED PULL-UP, and no more, not even if I kicked like a donkey with his head in a bucket. FAIAIAIAIAIAIL.  We were doing sets of 4-6 so I used a one inch band for every other set.

A year ago my weighted ring dips were about 25#.  I could only do one muscle-up (I was so embarrassed, can you imagine).

Well today, after the massive pull-up surprise I just walked myself over to the dip bar, grabbed a 1/2” band and worked my way through my sets at tempo.

I failed at my third round of 45 second side planks.  I used to be able to do plank combos, without stopping for minutes at a time.  URHGHGHGHGHHGHGGH.

Well… Hmmm…  A deep breath and a big pat on the back for showing up then, I guess.  :) 

+ Monday and Wednesday at the box = carefree confident.

- Monday and Wednesday after the box = sore, starving and entitled = eating too much (and poorly) and feeling drained by 7pm (unfortunately my days go much later than that).

- Tuesday and Thursday rest days = tight, uncomfortable, restless, useless, exhausted, a bit depressed, sore, bloated and thirsty.  

? Some of this could be due to the weather and the fact that Monday and Wednesday nights I was out very late.  There is also not a decent place to get iced coffee in my town.

First of all, I have enabled comments on the blog so we can get this party started!

Second, I’m so happy and surprised by how many of you have let me know that you also seek balance and sustainability in your training.  Your enthusiasm led me to try a scaled version of Fran today (see below)!

Ooh! Epiphany!!!  Wait for it….  What I loved about crossfit, from the start, was the way it kept me emotionally honest.  I really had to accept my flaws and weaknesses in order to become a more well-rounded athlete.  In doing so, I was able to acknowledge and address deeper fears within me, making me a stronger person in every way.

But last January my father was diagnosed with cancer and I spent seven months training dishonestly, sticking with it for all the wrong reasons.  My ego kept me chasing PRs, too stubborn to allow me to just scale back my training and take care of myself.  I kept saying I would step back and I kept complaining about the stress.  But I also kept worrying about “losing ground” as an athlete.  I should have stepped down from the team, but I trained for regionals and the games because I didn’t want to let anyone down and also, to be brutally honest, I didn’t want to be left out.  When I thought about my best buddies going off to California to compete without me while I stayed home to care for my ailing father… well… I just felt too sorry for myself to choose that option. 

I never gave myself a pat on the back for just showing up. I was just pissed that I could only do one muscle up (SERIOUSLY?!) because that wasn’t enough to help the team at a comp.  I didn’t treat myself the way I treated the girls in my GRRRRL Class (yeah mamas!).  I just fretted and stressed and moped and complained and cried and ate and drank.  And then got up and drove to the box because I said I would.  And then drove home from the box worrying that I wasn’t good enough.  And that, my friends, is a recipe for Burn Out Cake frosted with Resentment. Took me about a year to digest, LOL.

But not today.  Today we showed up.  Big pat on the back!

+ scaled Fran (33# and jumping pull-ups) in 4:47

- I needed help getting out of my workout clothes.  A *bit* sore and tight from Monday.

? Nutrition.  I’m great at dieting, not good at maintaining.  Need to do an nutritional upgrade, not an extreme overhaul.  Can it be done… can it be done…

Everything hurts.  My armpits, elbows, forearms, abs, glutes, shoulders and neck are immobilized.

BTW, my last post says I got 4 UB kips each round yesterday.  Luckily for me, Coach posted a video welcoming me back to the box which clearly shows me only get 3 kips in a row before dropping off the bar.  #videokilledthecrossfitblog

No WOD today.  I’m doing three days a week for now so I’ll be there tomorrow when the box does Fran.  Not sure how I’ll participate but I’m just gonna show up and roll with whatever. I don’t have the energy to worry this morning.

+ After a year off, I can go back and function in a crossfit class

- After one day back, my body reacts as though I just did a bunch of stuff I haven’t done in a 10 years.   

? Why didn’t I stretch more, take an ibuprofin (or something) yesterday?

It was so great to see everyone at the box today!  I went to the class that I used to teach, and it didn’t feel nearly as strange as I thought it would.  It was comforting to be among friends.  I really trust these people, 100%, to want everyone in the room to do well, be happy, and be healthy.   No matter what physical abilities I regain or lose throughout my journey, the emotional boost from being at the box is important.  And I lost sight of that a bit.  

First stats to record from day 1.  Today’s class was a lot of skill work, so I got to test my muscle memory.

A. 10 sets of 3 Clean Grip Deads at 50% of 1RM: 95# (who the hell knows what my 1RM max is right now?  It was 260 a year ago).  95 felt about right.  I still remember what 50% is supposed to feel like (I think).

B. 5 sets of 10 pull-ups:  Like most of us, I worked so very hard to be good at kips, and today I doubted I could do more than one (if that).  Today my head said “HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!  Grab a band, newbie!  Gone are your days of unbroken kips!”  But my body marched itself over to my usual spot on the pull-up bar and I hopped on.  I was able to get 4 unbroken kips each time.  I didn’t complete 10 in any of the sets.  50 pull-ups the first day back might have been a bit much. The insides of my elbows hurt.  That was weird.   

C. 100M bear crawl: 36 seconds.  I was glad we only had to do 100M, and I was grateful for all the field workouts my training partner put me through over the years. Lots of time scrambling over dirt, rocks and grass in the rain.  Bear crawling inside felt like a breeze.

D. Double Unders (20 seconds on, 40 seconds off) X 5: 140 total.  Well…. I’ve still got the skill, but the conditioning leaves much to be desired!  I was left in the dust by most of the class even though I felt like I was going as fast as I could and was fairly consistent with my rhythm.   Also, I forgot by Buddy Lee rope.  That WILL NOT happen again!

Bottom line:
+ Flexibility is good, head is in the right place, body feels stronger than anticipated. 

- Conditioning is crappy, maybe even crappier than I thought, feeling intimidated about metcon work.  Plus, I feel fat, and kinda am. I’m 12 lbs heavier than last year with a lot less muscle.

? How sore will I be tomorrow although I didn’t feel too taxed today?

I was a Crossfitting maniac just like you.  Then life got in the way (or I “let it” get in the way, as you would say).  I had to deal with a personal loss along with the launch of a new business.  It’s been a year of sleeplessness, cupcakes and wine.  Hey, it wasn’t all bad.  It was, after all, a year without Fran.  A year without being too sore to put my coat on.  A year without the fear of disappointing my affiliate team if I had a glass of wine with dinner.  I wasn’t the weirdo at the dinner party who brought her own kale and bottle of seltzer.

I’ve always been a bit of a pendulum swinger, I suppose.  From early 2008 to the summer of 2010 I built my days around my training schedule.  I represented our box at whatever comp we were entering, from the smaller “Fight Gone Bad” events to the Affiliate Cup at The Crossfit Games in ‘09 and ‘10.   When my life changed unexpectedly I struggled to figure out a way to just work out without any other expectations attached.  I couldn’t figure it out.  Not sleeping will do that to you.  I think that alleviating the mental stress and the intensity of the WODs was necessary.  But clearly I swung that pendulum back in the opposite direction pretty hard.

This time around, I want to Crossfit in a way that is more sustainable.  It’s not a question of whether one can Crossfit and live a balanced life. The question is whether I can live a balanced life…  and whether Crossfit appeals to people who seek balance (I think it attracts a certain personality type, don’t you)?

Right now I’m so bloated from the pizza we had for lunch and the wine and dessert we had that I’m wishing I had a week to crash diet so I’m not so embarrassed tomorrow morning.

Did I mention that tomorrow is my first day back?  

I’m not looking forward to becoming the kale lady again.  People like cupcakes so much more.